Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
