halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
