Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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