At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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