Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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