my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
