i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
