I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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