Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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