is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
