well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
