Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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