If i come over, it means nothing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
