he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
