The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
