If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just forgot I was standing up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
