nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The air was thick with penises
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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