i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
