here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I didn't notice because vodka
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
