I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
