She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
