Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
