isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
