I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
