Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
