i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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