I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
