You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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