u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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