wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
