I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
