You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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