I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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