I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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