that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
