Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
