miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
