I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
