I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
