the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So vagazzling was a success
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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