and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
