i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
