when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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