just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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