Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
