she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
