I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
