i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
