meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
