I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
