from now on my penis is your penis
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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