Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
