apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
