so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
