you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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