I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
