i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
