Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
