the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
