You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's the barista slut.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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