Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
