And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
