Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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