I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are two peas in an std pod
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
