I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
