They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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