I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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