btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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