do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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