woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
