my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We got so high we made milksteak
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
