If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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