you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
