He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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