I skipped work to stalk him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
