I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
