I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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