to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
operation harelip BJ is a go
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
