My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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