she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
